From THE ONION: “World Death Rate Holding Steady at 100%”

I adore these writers.  For those who haven’t read it before, The Onion is a satirical magazine (originally paper with a now-huge online presence) that makes fun of absolutely everything.  I just came across this tongue-in-cheek article from 1997 that directly addresses the poll I took a few weeks ago, asking about whether or not people believe we’ll eventually find a cure for death.  Here’s a bit:

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND—World Health Organization officials expressed disappointment Monday at the group’s finding that, despite the enormous efforts of doctors, rescue workers and other medical professionals worldwide, the global death rate remains constant at 100 percent.

Death, a metabolic affliction causing total shutdown of all life functions, has long been considered humanity’s number one health concern. Responsible for 100 percent of all recorded fatalities worldwide, the condition has no cure.

“I was really hoping, what with all those new radiology treatments, rescue helicopters, aerobics TV shows and what have you, that we might at least make a dent in it this year,” WHO Director General Dr. Gernst Bladt said. “Unfortunately, it would appear that the death rate remains constant and total, as it has inviolably since the dawn of time.”

A sense of humor about these things is invaluable.  For anyone who hasn’t taken the poll yet, you can still go back and let me know what you think.  I continue tracking it.  Someone dropped by recently who thinks that we will eventually find a cure for death but unfortunately they didn’t leave a comment.  If anyone else with that perspective happens to drop in for a vote, would you mind leaving a comment, too?  In spite of the satirical note of this Onion article, I’d really love to hear your thoughts about it.  I’m fascinated by all different views.


One response

  1. You’ve just got to read “Death With Interruptions” by Jose Saramago.” I know you’re busy…but…it’s a short and DELIGHTFUL book. I’ll loan you my copy if you’re interested.

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